WAIT...

U noe....it`s dam pharking annoyed when u`re being asked by de same question again n again n again n again. recently, oh no, sorry...i suppose 2 say, dam long ago when i started 2 apply 4 de uni, i hav been asked by de same question : what wil u do after u graduated? Oh my fucking mama mia dam question!!!! how would i noe bout de future??!!!
Well, actually , honestly, mayb 8 of 10 ppl wil noe how 2 answer tis question, n tis is not de question`s own fault. i knew it!! but sumhow i juz cun imagine wad wil i bcum n even i cun tink bout entering de uni!!!! Ican say, im totally lost here....i dun noe y i have choosed here, n i dun mind y i choosed here, n now im juz only care tat IM HERE!
Mayb , no, probably every1 oso wil say tat wad a dam fool decision u hav made!!! but i dun care how bout others feel, coz dey r not me. I do admit tat my decision is sumhow made in 2 fast n rush, but SO WAD??! rn`t every1 oso hav de time when u juz feel : Let`s do it. Juz do it. Juz go on. sumhow there was a voice deep in my heart hav told me, GO ON. n TAT`S de only reason y i hav came here. 4 me, It sounds so uncool, but tat`s ENOUGH.
Wel. now tat i hav came here, n hav been studied 4 bout 1 year, i juz hav a thought, KEEP GOIN ON. Since it was my own choice, i wil not regret, i muz not regret, n i wil make it not regret.
U cun imagined how many lies hav i told 2 b accepted in2 those DRAMATIC uni. Every single interview i did, i nid 2 lie more lies 2 survive. How cum tis world so FAKE??!!! certainly, not only me, every1 seems 2 b nid 2 lie , at least, not muc like me.
I hate tis. Now tat im applyin 4 a scholarship, n once more, de same question appeared. I can accept it if it was juz a few sentence tat i juz nid 2 simply copy wad i have said b4, but it turn out 2 b at least 800 words above!!! Gosh!!! How can i stil make lies??
Im like an author now, repeat n repeat n repeat doin de same thg, lie--or u can say it in other more common way, blew water. It was always my best in doin tis, when chit-chat wit old pals, but not in my own future! Thou, i stil wrote it. But sumhow i juz cun accept. even im de teacher or de judge, i obviously, certainly , n absolutely wont take a look on tat rubbish tat i hav wrote!
Im so dam tired. I juz nid 2 spew out everythg tat i wan2 say tat hav been sealed 4 dam long period. I stil remember. Juz b4 i depart, n after i reached here, sum1 told me: dun do sumthg u wil regret. n dun 4get de purpose u choosed tis road.
His words juz repeat everytime when im confusing, frustating, n starting 2 b mad. THANKS 2 him. his words support me over n over again. I really appretiated him..
But oso, SORRY, i nid 2 say i guess. Sorry 4 not being tough enough, not being strong enough, not being honest enough.
Guess i can only wait 4 de time where i can determine n make up my mind.